love is all you need

short post, but holy cow.

i've got so many beautiful things.

today's my birthday, a day that threatens to fill me with some mixed emotions. and i am totally overwhelmed by the amount of love in my life. really blown away. i've got pictures coming soon, but don't want to wait to write this.

first of all: my husband. wowzer. not only is he handsome, smart, loving, talented... he's so GOOD to me. we spent last weekend celebrating since he had to work. he bought me a beautiful new camera that i can't stop clicking away on. he took me birthday dress shopping. we gorged ourselves on french food at besalu and cafe presse, spent time with my family, stayed at the sorrento hotel, had drinks at vito's, and so much more. and then, today, he showed up in a box (literally!) at my work, and had lunch with the kids and me. incredible! i don't know many women who have a husband like that. actually, i take that back. i don't know any. he is hands down the best - better even than if i had dreamed up everything i could possibly want. i wouldn't have even known to ask for him. he is so far beyond great, and makes me thankful every day.

secondly: my mom. she's pretty wonderful, and twenty-five years ago today she had me! actually, just thinking about how lucky i am to have her as my mother makes me totally sappy. my birthday always lands pretty close to mother's day, too, so i usually spend the entire week getting unreasonably emotional off and on about what a great mom i ended up with.

next: my friends. kelly and kelsey and alyssa and so many others, who organized and took part in some huge surprises for me today. my entire school is decorated with notes from my kids wishing me a happy birthday and telling me how much they love me. there is coconut cream pie from dahlia in the staff room. there were glitter bombs, a dance party, so much artwork. a yoga class on the rooftop, tulips, confetti, and, of course, jacob popping out of big gift-wrapped box. cupcakes, too. (and in my cubby is a chocolate bar and bottle of wine for later).

tonight, alyssa and i will spend my birthday with my family, and hopefully j will get off of work early enough to join us. it'll be great, this whole birthday has been great, and i can't imagine how it could possibly be any better. i am the luckiest duck in the whole freaking pond. my goodness.

and i have some other good news: i am starting a new blog. armed with a shiny new camera, the love and support of j, and a bunch of new ideas about what i want my blog to be, i've decided to branch out. it'll still be full of beautiful things, but will also have projects, recipes, stories from our adventures. it'll be a little more broad, and hopefully a lot more frequent. i can't wait, and as soon as i've finished my first entry, i'll post the link here.

for now, i'm going to bask in this crazy birthday glory.

love,
j

the view

some days the blues grab you and shake you. sometimes they grab seattle, too:

and then, sometimes, seeing how pretty everything is in the rain, everything smelling delicious, your husband driving to see you during your lunch hour and bringing you paseo (a beautiful thing in its own right), hearing a friend say she's never seen anything love the way he loves you and you love him, making it through friday with all your limbs intact, checking things off a to-do list, and then, only then, pouring yourself a glass of wine, snuggling up, and waiting in the company of a sweet dog and a down comforter for him to come home... that shakes all those blues out of you without you even knowing it. those are really good moments.

happy weekend!

love,
j

it might as well be spring

i admit i have a little bit of an emotionally abusive relationship with seattle seasons. they tell me it's getting better, i'm hesitant, they show me a little skin: a few snowflakes in november, or some baby blossoms on the cherry trees in february, or a suddenly hot day in may, i say, 'ok, but this is the last chance,' i fall head over heels, and the next day it goes back to rain, the only real thing i can count on in this ardent affair.

but despite it all, i really, really love this city and its coquettish moods. from my desk i can see highrise buildings, blue sky, blinding sun, and millions of hot pink buds on the trees, and today i'm falling for it all over again, deeper and more desperately in love with seattle spring. and i think this time it really means it.

love,
j

(photo by dana curran).

best email ever

Dear Jessica M Cafferty:

Congratulations on your offer for admission to the University of Washington Graduate School for Autumn 2012.

I am pleased to announce that the Master of Public Administration Admissions Committee has voted to recommend your admission to the Evans School of Public Affairs. The committee was impressed with your strong academic and professional background, selecting your application from our largest pool to date. An offer of admission is a true testament of your hard work and commitment to public service.

Each year, the Evans School offers fellowship tuition awards to a very limited number of individuals admitted to our institution. As one of our top candidates, we are pleased to offer you a fellowship of $7,500 for the academic year 2012 - 13.

You must confirm acceptance of our offer by April 15th through the Graduate School website noted below. Once you have paid your enrollment confirmation deposit, we will follow up with additional information regarding orientation costs, registration, and student life.

Once again, welcome to the Evans School of Public, and feel free to contact the Evans School directly at evansdss@uw.edu with any questions. We look forward to meeting you in person and being a part of your educational experience.

Sandra O. Archibald
Dean and Professor
Jason P. Smith
Assistant Dean of Students

this photo

...has followed me around for years now. it's by willy ronis, and i bought it in postcard form at a coffee shop in the beginning of college. i wrote on it, sent it, missed it, re-bought it, hung it on my wall, lost it, and today came across it again.

today, basking in the foreign (and still chilly) march sun and thinking about how i've already been married to j for six months, it seemed to perfectly match the dreamy paris springtime romance grainy lovely mood i'm in.

happy thursday!

love,
j

i carry your heart with me

(i carry it in my heart)

i stopped by the cemetery this morning to say hello to grandpa stu.

it had snowed a little bit last night, and there was ice on the ground. my grandmother had clearly been there recently: there was a bouquet of cheerful red carnations by his tombstone. i could feel the ground give a little beneath my feet and it wasn't an entirely unpleasant feeling; somehow it made me feel a little closer to him.

there's something about cemeteries that i love. and when i visit my grandfather, it's nice to be able to take the time to simply be selfish in missing him. i don't have to think about anything else. i can tell him about what's new, how my grandma's doing, how much i miss him. i don't have to talk to anyone else, or answer any questions. and i can stand there for as long as i want remembering pieces of him i love so much: how he smelled like soap and my grandma's cooking, how deliberate his movements were in setting his silverware beside his plate, how when he hummed it was such a low pitch it made my heart rumble, how smooth his hands were, how he kept everything someone gave him out of love.

as i pulled around the corner to head out on the main drive, i saw a man fixing flowers on a grave not too far from my grandfather's. he rearranged them and took such care in making sure they were just so. and then he stood, glanced once again at the tombstone, and put his hands in his pockets. he closed his eyes and turned his face skyward, and just stood there, a perfect image of love and loss.

dying is no secret. we're attached to our own mortality and finiteness from the moment we enter the world. yet we love, over and over again. despite the knowledge that those we adore won't always be with us, we fill our days with the secrets and intimacies that make us feel most alive. we make stupid choices, we fall in love, we have our hearts broken, we take our family members for granted, we have torrid love affairs, we relearn how to appreciate our family, we have our hearts broken, we make new friends, we become attached, we love with all of ourselves, and if we're very, very lucky, we find someone who loves us right back with all of them.

(here is the deepest secret nobody knows): the fact that the human spirit is so resilient, so flexible, so able to be broken and then renewed like a burning phoenix; the fact that we are so able and eager to love; the fact that every cemetery is filled with countless stories and remembrances, is so incredibly powerful that i was moved to that bittersweet place where only the most perfect beauty exists. we have one glorious lifetime. that we choose to spend it loving is probably the prettiest thing we ever do. (this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart).

love,
j

every day

the original intent of this blog was to post every day, or at least often, to keep searching and acknowledging beauty around me. but sometimes i go for ages without posting, and i think it's because i worry that it has to be something "big" enough. i want to impress you, make an impact with the profound beauty of whatever i'm posting. but that's a little silly, because it's all in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? even the tiniest, most fleeting moments can be breathtaking.

so in that spirit of simplicity, i came across this print today, and stopped. it's sort of perfect. it caught my eye in a moment where i was already filled with gratitude and an urge to explore and expand, and even though it's small, i want it to be the beautiful thing today.

j and i are leaving for belize on monday for two weeks, so i definitely won't be posting much (if at all) while we're gone, but when we come back, i'm getting back on the loveliness-blogging-wagon, even if occasionally my entries are just little tidbits.

love,
j