i have sort of a weird post today.
i've got a backlog of posts floating around in my head, all important and special and intimate to me, but i just haven't had the time to post them, so that's actually what i want to write about now.
when i began this blog, my idea was to use it as a coping strategy to balance sorrow and joy in my life. its design was to make me hyper-aware of the beautiful things all around me: in every person or place, in every single moment. my goal was, and still is, to find and reflect on and share something beautiful all the days of my life.
today i want to clarify why there are days i don't write. as i was sitting here, i had a feeling much like looking through a camera lens at the moment you pull it into focus. things become smaller and brighter. you see leaves and nostrils for what they are, not the blurred shadows they'd been, and they are precious.
because there's never been a day where i didn't have something to write. there's never been a day where i couldn't find something beautiful and worth sharing. actually, the reason some days i don't write is because my life is so exquisitely and almost painfully beautiful. i am constantly surrounded by incredible people whose lives come in the full spectrum of ease and complexity. i live in a gorgeous city that is surrounded by gorgeous country. being obscenely sentimental, i am keenly aware of the triumphs and tragedies of people around me, and i find these things beautiful, too. i am marrying my soulmate in a month. i am watching my friends have children, and recognizing how miraculous our lives are.
i never skip entries because i don't have anything to say. it is, rather, because this is no longer a place to cope. for me, it's now a place of celebration and gratitude. the scales have tipped, and rather than searching for ways to recognize, i spend so much of my day seizing beautiful things; simply being there.
i'm not going to stop writing. i think it's an important exercise to take the time to acknowledge beauty in each day, and i know of at least two other people who occasionally find that beauty here. i just felt that clarification was important; so that the thought never occurs that perhaps one day i could find nothing beautiful. in my whole life, that day has never come.
and
that is my beautiful thing of today.
so, now, i'd like to share with you some of the beauty that has been spinning through my brain. these are things i've intended to post, and some of them i still will, but as proof of the extremely large amount of loveliness i see, i'm making a quick list:
- my niece elliana had her first birthday. i have a post all thought out about her. she's starting to walk and wears tutus and has the prettiest eyes and dimples you'll ever find. trust me. search if you want to. you'll never find cuter.
- then i realized that my post needed to be about her mom, michelle, too. and what strong and beautiful women they are together. and how in awe i am.
- j and i saw a black bear ambling down the road in skykomish. i don't think i ever really knew the true meaning of ambling before that.
- i'm going back to teaching preschool!
- got my hair and makeup trial done for the wedding. it's big, beautiful fingerwaves, and i look like i came straight out of an old hollywood movie.
- we heard our wedding band, pickled okra, on the radio. they are talented and nice and fun, and i think that's a pretty glorious combination.
- looked at pictures of my friend mandy pregnant. and huge. and beautiful. talked about her daughters now, growing up. realized how insanely beautiful birth and life are.
- got my best friend a 1960's candydish for her birthday, and she told me she hadn't been able to figure out what her house was missing, and this was it. exactly what i'd hoped.
- saw an eight week old puppy with my kids today. they fawned all over it.
- walked by the fire station. they invited us in. we got to hang out in a firetruck and press buttons.
- celebrated six of my family members' birthdays. saw them in three and a half generations as the coolest people i know.
- made an altar for the wedding.
- got our marriage license. in the middle of beaurocracy lies a plastic sign with the words, "MARRIAGE OPEN," and two little hearts, and some really lovely people.
- stunning flowers outside caffe vita. one perfect lily.
- the smell of the water on a finally sunny day.
- found our wedding vows.
- saw my sister's birthday list included a bunch of things with the suffix "like my sister's."
- thriving orchids on my desk.
- one year anniversary of the captain's death. went through a bajillion pictures. found nothing but fun and love.
- a kid falling asleep in my lap. nothing like it.
the list goes on. it's really marvelous.
i can't wait to share more.
love,
j
